Hustle culture can suck it.

Spoiler alert: My "me time" involves scrubbing oatmeal off a toddler while I'm on a conference call with Steve from accounting. I call it "multi-task pampering."

Welcome to the chaotic world of hustle culture in America, where work is religion, and not even sleep is safe from being "optimized." Forget keeping up with the Joneses; I’m trying to keep up with Elon Musk, who apparently doesn’t need sleep. Like ever. It’s especially chaotic for those of us who juggle multiple roles: mom, corporate warrior, side-hustle maven, and, oh yes, human.

The Morning Sprint

Mornings in my house are like an episode of "Chopped," but the secret ingredient is chaos. Wake up at 5 a.m. (because apparently, that's when productivity unicorns are born), jog for 10 minutes (because, you know, "wellness"), chug a gallon of water with lemon (to detox from what, I don’t know), and then it's go-time.

Emails? Check. Feed the kids? Check. Did I forget to feed myself? Double-check. PowerPoint presentation for the 9 a.m. meeting? Umm, Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V are my best friends.

Corporate Lingo or Corporate Limbo?

Now, onto the battlefield that is Corporate America—home of buzzwords like "synergy," "circle back," and "innovative solutions." Also, the land of soul-sucking meetings that could have easily been an email. These meetings are like the junk drawer of corporate life—full of things nobody really understands but are too afraid to throw away.

The Side Hustle Shuffle

As if one job isn't enough, let's throw in a side hustle. Why? Because sleeping is for quitters, duh! Whether you’re selling essential oils that promise Nirvana or dropshipping Sporks (a spoon-fork for the uninformed), the hustle never stops.

But let's get real. The side hustle is not just a grind for extra cash; it's my dream—a tiny glimmer of what life could be if I weren't trying to "leverage core competencies" in a cubicle. Even if right now it's run on hopes, dreams, and an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

Mom Mode Activated

Ah, motherhood, the most important job of all and the biggest hustle ever. The pay is terrible, and you can't clock out. Ever. You also get some delightful perks like answering existential questions like, "Mom, why is the sky blue?" while you're on the toilet.

And let's not forget the overwhelming guilt—am I working too much? Am I not working enough? Did I forget to pack an organic, gluten-free, dairy-free, locally sourced snack for my kid's school lunch? The answer is usually yes.

Me Time: A Myth?

As for self-care, I've tried it all: the five-minute meditations while hiding in the bathroom, the "quick" yoga stretches that inevitably end with a toddler climbing on me, and the DIY face masks that somehow never look like the Pinterest pictures.

So, yes, I often feel like a circus juggler, teetering on the edge of "I've got this" and "I’m one minor inconvenience away from a meltdown." But you know what? There's something weirdly exhilarating about it all. Every so often, amidst the chaos, I hit a perfect stride where everything syncs up—kids happy, work thriving, side hustle buzzing. And for a brief, shining moment, the hustle feels worth it.

But then my toddler spills juice all over my laptop, and it's back to chaos. Because, you know, life.

So here’s to the hustlers—the moms, the corporate ladder climbers, and the side-hustlers. May your coffee be strong, your Wi-Fi stronger, and may you find five minutes of peace today to scroll through memes or simply breathe. Because you, my friend, are the real MVP.